Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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