You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
