She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
