Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
