so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
