You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
