I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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