I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
