I smell stomach acid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Enjoy the penises
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
