I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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