thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
