You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just want to make out with him forever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
