I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
