Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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