How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
