yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my poor anus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
