I puked a lego.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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