I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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