note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Too much gin, very little bucket
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
