I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
