Someone shit on the floor
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
