The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
two words...techno handjob
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
