He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
BRING THE BAGELS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
