do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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