oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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