It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
