I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Success! We fucked roommates!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
