Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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