He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
