So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
