Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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