If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
40s are totally the cure
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
