Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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