If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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