official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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