remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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