How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
