I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
