hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
