New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
