i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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