I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
