sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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