My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
