That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
