coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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