Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
