i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
