I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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