is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
