But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Me. At least after what I've been through.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
