I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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