is your mom at the bar?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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