I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
