We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
