Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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