I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
