Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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