Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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