she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
