Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
