Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
