Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize