You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
