I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
