just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
