she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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