I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
