I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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