Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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