I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
