I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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