A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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